Why go to San Francisco, where you sleep under a blanket every night and the daytime temperature seldom gets above topcoat weather? Here in Croton the weather each day ranges between 47.2 degrees and 57.3 degrees. The wind is always an invigorating 9.9 miles per hour. Rainfall is nil. How do we know? We’ve been looking at the village’s “current weather statistics.”
The village is a perfect spot for tourism. The temperature in Croton at the moment is 54.5 degrees—a little too cool to plant tomatoes—and it’s always 7:45 a.m. How can the village pull off this meteorological and chronological miracle? It’s easy. What Croton has done is to freeze everything in the way of a meteorological statistic as at May 14. That’s right. Anyone checking Croton’s weather statistics since May 14 has been shown the same numbers, frozen at 7:45 a.m.
This does not speak well for Mayor Gregory Schmidt’s vaunted attention to village details. But what can you expect from someone who is so technologically backward that he does not answer citizens’ e-mails? He obviously doesn’t check the village’s own website either—from which the following screen capture has been made.
So, Crotonblog is once again compelled to ask, “What’s up, Doc? Isn’t someone supposed to be monitoring the weather station regularly? Now, thanks to management inattention, we’ve got another screwed-up period of weather statistics.