Croton Blog: Family Math
Dear Mrs. H,
What is with my brother-in-law?
This is not about emotions and feelings as you might suspect – the issue at hand is a straight out math problem. The more brothers-in-law you have, the greater the probability is that one or more of them will be some kind of deadbeat. If you only have one sibling and are wise enough to wed an only child, then you have a pretty good chance of having a brother-in-law who is in publishing or a small law firm, who might be able to hold your interest in conversation twice a year. You might even hit the jackpot and score a guy who can get hot tickets to stuff. But if you and your spouse come from larger families, then you run a serious risk of becoming related to someone who is serially unemployed, or worse still a money manager, or who played sports in college. If your total count of brothers-in-law is five or more, then it is quite likely that your Christmas shopping will include sending money orders and books to federal prison camp.
What to do. At family gatherings, keeping busy is key. And if there is no work to be done, maintaining a light, crisp, clear vodka buzz can be helpful. Don’t muddy the picture, or cloud your emotions, or invite headache with wine or beer. Take it from the Karamazov brothers – and did they have aggravation! – distilled essence of potato is the correct way to go with your faculties seemingly intact. Second, as always, keeping your mouth shut is the wise choice; and learning to do so presents an eternally worthwhile opportunity for personal growth. Finally, a self-preservation policy dictates that any funds dispersed must be regarded as a gift and not a loan. That way you will never be disappointed, and may even one day receive a gift whose generosity equals your own!
Helpfully yours,
Mrs. H.
Comments:
Jan 31, 2005 04:08 PM:Mrs. Helpful — I like your new look. It really suits you!
-- Jeff T........... This article was published on January 30, 2005. The Permalink for this article is http://www.crotonblog.com/archives/2005/01/30/ask_mrs_helpful/family_math/. Look for other articles like this on the Crotonblog website, www.crotonblog.com.